一等奖
上海毛忆南(1995m6y9n)
Go for a walk in spring
She is a shy girl who came very late, hesitated in the distance, overwhelmed by shyness until I waved to her. Then she would scurry happily nearer, stop feet away, waiting to be hugged. But here and now, she, at the sight of me, grabs my hands and pulls me into her arms before I know what's happening. When she comes, everything becomes lively and the world becomes colourful. This is her present. She named spring-------a beautiful girl. It is April now.But it is very cold and it always rains heavily. Spring is hiding. Where is the spring? I walks along the lawn.The flowers becomes colorful and make me happy. Trees grow with new leaves of lively light green, not the dull and dusty color of winter. Several cherries are in full blossom now, with flowers clustering and squeezing and squabbling on the twigs. What attract me most are the meadows, the greenish yellow meadows. This is spring. I come to the lakeside. Ice on the lake surface has been melt already. There are many ducks swimming in the distance. Branches of the willows beside the lake are turning green. I jumped with joy. This is spring. I come to the park .The sun shine makes me feel comfortable. The wind blows gently. The boys plays with the balls happily and the girls flies kites with sweet smile. Every things are lively. What a nice view it is. I like spring because it can give me happiness. But she always comes quietly and no one can find her. We must use out heart. When you feel happy, spring must be staying around you.
评语
调理清晰,用词生动,词汇量很大,非常不错,.没有语法错误,能写出这样的作文很不错,请继续保持
呼和浩特王瑞君(wangruijun)
Go for a walk in spring
第一段:The weather gets warmer and warmer. Grass in the park turns green. And trees begin to grow new branches and leaves .So I decide to go out for a walk in the park to see the beautiful scenery.
第二段:Today, the weather is fine and the sun is shining brightly. Birds fly freely and happily in the sky. I walk along the street and enter the park. I run to the lake and lie on the soft grass., listening to the sound of running water ,feeling the warm sunshine ,breathing the fresh air and the balminess of dirt. Suddenly, I feel something wet, I open my eyes and find there is some water on my face. Because leaves are wet with dew. I stand and walk to the lake. There are some golden fish swimming leisurely and freely. Others are eating some small shrimps or sleeping.There are also some tadpoles swimming in the water. They are lovely! I walk to the forest ahead......
第三段:I walk in the forest slowly.Suddenly,the sky turns black and heavy clouds appear.Drops of rain land on the grass and branches,leaves(grass,branches and leaves).Spring rain like the cow hair, thin and soft,hit your face with a touch,and it makes you feel relaxed and comfortable.It also like needles ,you even can't see them or hold (see or hold them),but you can feel the cool it brings to you(去掉),and the salt rain water.Because of it,the leaves look greener and brighter , the flowers are more fragrance.Looking ahead , it seems that the grass is to partly hidden and partly(apparent你是想表示“若隐若现”吗?).What beautiful views!I walk faster home with a mind full of thinking(去掉) the landscapes......
评语:文章结构紧凑,思路清晰,描写也非常到位,有几点不足:1、文章整体用一般过去时更合适一些。2、有些词句的运用还不是很到位。总体来说是一篇非常不错的文章
二等奖
天津陈晨(BOPOBetty)
Go for a walk in Spring
Every year,Spring comes early and softly.It always takes(brings) us many supernatural things to open our eyes. Walking in Spring,I see the trees that people plant (planted)on Tree Planting Day growing out the new leaves.The ices on the river are defrosting.The swallows are flying back from the south.Wow!It is so beautiful! Walking in Spring,I smell a light fragrance of peach blossom.And I always feel a gust of warm wind blowing to me.Wow!It is so comfortable! Walking in Spring,I feel very happy.However,we should not waste time.Go on,friends!The Spring is waving to you!
评语:文章结构完整,条理清晰,无论是描写还是感情都非常到位。排比的运用为整篇文章增色不少。文章最后还不忘点出要在春天中把握珍惜时间的感慨,为一篇佳作!
上海周仪卿(zhouyiqing)
Go for a walk in Spring
Now spring is coming(has) ,the world has become green. When you walk along the street ,you can see magnolia .Spring Festival held a variety of Huadu,(不太明白你想表达什么意思) the ice thawed(melted), all things are(everything is) alive. This air is filled with the smell of fresh soil. Don't you think it a joys(joy) of life? Then you can sit on a chair in the garden with (beautiful) flowers are beautiful in the morning in March and,wait for the sunrise quietly. Is(去掉) there anybody having a free spirit and tasting a cup of tea, in the new germination of grass. Spring has been here already, my dear friends. When your heart is full of darkness and despair, don't forget your childish dream, and believe,(that)sping (spring) is coming soon.
评语:非常好! 内容丰富,表达得体,句子的使用十分到位,特别是对从句的应用,很熟练,达到了预期的写作目的。
深圳周雨思(helen_chou)
Go for a walk in spring
When I went out for a walk
I heard the sweet voice of the bird
the song was beautiful and pretty nice
made the people who hear it with a smile
If you are lucky
you can see butterflies are flying among the tree
The children are running happily
instead of winter’s stay in dream
Can you see the wonderful sky
which is covered with shinning white
maybe you’ll ask me what is white but I won’t tell you what is white
use your intelligent and imagination to guess the meaning of ‘shinning white’ Please my friends go out for walk you’ll get the feeling just like me
评语:很有诗情画意,能够用诗来表达感情,非常有创意的想法~但是注意英文诗也是要求押韵才好听,所以注意一下句尾每个词的押韵情况。
三等奖
北京丁安杨(1996717anyang)
go for a walk in spring
my (My) favourite season is spring.spring is a lovely season. in spring,the trees become green and the flowers give off fragrance.there are many butterflies and bees over(around) the flowers.in this season,the weather is warm and comfortable.lots of birds fly back and they often sing songs in the trees.sometimes it rains.it usually rains quietly.the rain moistens the trees and the flowers.
评语:文章用词准确,描写细腻,但是与文章题目结合的不是很紧密。需要注意写文章时每句的第一个字母需要大写!
济南赵琳霞(zhaolinxia)
Go for a Walk in Spring
Spring is a colorful season.So many trees are in blossom.The peach blossom,Chinese rose,plum blossom and so on. Like beauties' smile face.Taking a full mouthful of fresh and sweet air makes my feeling pleasure. The birds maybe very happy too.They fly quickly and sing beautiful songs. Yesterday my parents and I went to park to fly kites.There are many kinds of kites in the sky. I with other children flew kites in the sunshine and had delicious picnic .So we spent a very good time! Spring is beautiful but very short,so go for a Walk in spring as soon as you can! (参与大比拼活动)
评语:
文章短小精干,但是需要更加注意条理性,还有单复数、拼写错误、第三人称单数方面在写作的时候都需要注意.
济南马骋(minnie)
Go for a walk in spring
That was a sunny day . I went for a walk in spring . Everything was alive,the trees turned green, The felowers(flowers) came out in many different colours and the birds sing(song) very happy(happily).Walk in spring(Walking in spring,) I feel(felt) every thing was new and every thing could give me expects(hope) .Some times(Sometimes) the wind went across my face makeing (making)me feel very comfortable; some times (同上)the birds flew around me made (which made)me feel more relaxing;some times (同上)the children flew the kids behind me made me feel my life was more interesting and (had) no worried. I like spring . It gave(give me) a happy time and let me feel the life is more colourfull than before .As the proverb say “A year is began(begins) in spring “ I will work hard in this season , because it is a beutifull season and a expecting (hopeful) season.
评语:文章结构完整,既有对外界事物的描写,也有自身内心的刻画,感情真挚,不足之处是一些用词把握的不是很准,如“充满希望的”用hopeful来表述更准确;某些地方的时态也不一致。
北京孙钰卿(sunyuqing)
Go for a Walk in Spring
Spring is coming! A lot of flowers may have blossom. It (was) really a nice season! In this season, my parents, my friend Lily and I were going go to Hangzhou by plane. We went to visit the West Lake. When we got (arrived) the West Lake, we were all surprise (surprised). We saw a great number of people there. This place is (was) very famous. The sightseeing was beautiful. There were many trees in front of the lake. And the lake was crystal. It was really like a mirror. I was playing with Lily, and we were so happy. The time run fast, but we weren’t feeling tired. We enjoyed the sunset view. This trip was nice. I would like to visit there again in another holidays.
评语:Amazing! 本文内容丰富,表达得体,句子的使用十分到位。有个别的词使用不准确,还有一些时态把握的不准。建议以后多阅读,多朗诵,增强语感,丰富自己的表达方式,你的英语水平一定会有一个大的突破!本文只有少量的语法、句法错误。涵盖了所有的内容要点,达到了预期的写作目的。
上海穆晨杰(roger0237)
Walk in Spring
When spring comes, you will feel very much(去掉)it.Because when spring comes you will find a lot of beautiful flowers. It's very nice. Most of student's favourite season is spring, it(It) makes them think of butterfly (butterflies)and pinic. Now walk(walking) in spring is very pouplar(popular) in our school,students collect (the sign of) spring all the time.I think walk(walking) in spring is the best way to know spring.
评语: 本文内容丰富,表达得体,感情深入,涵盖了所有的内容要点,基本达到了预期的写作目的。
但是有个别的拼写不准确,
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