一等奖
yusiting
上海 余思亭
My summer vacation plan
I am going back to my hometown this summer. I will take a good rest when I get home after a year's hard work. I will eat all the nice foods I have been missing for so many years. I will find a good badminton coach to help me improve my skills. And I will try to see(see强调看见,这里可以用visit或call on) all my childhood friends and pay a visit to my high school teacher, who has played an important role in my life. In August, I will have this Yangzi river cruise with my parents. Right now, I keep thinking all the fun things that I would like to do in summer: chatting on line, dancing, going to the beach, clothes shopping, reading one or two nice books, seeing some nice movies, more and more....Summer vacation is the best time of the year. I can plan lots of fun things and I can carry them out. It is like I can do whatever I want.(这句话的意思是什么呢?)Oh, I just can't wait for it!
评语:熟练运用从句,语意连贯,表达得当。语法掌握的非常好。
二等奖
Liyonglufanny
安徽 李永璐
Summer vacation plan
Summer vacation is coming; I made a plan to make my vacation become designed. I think my plans are wonderful, now I introduce my two plans! Firstly, there is a plan of study. In July, I should read some useful books about Chinese history, and that must be very helpful for me! Just I think it is easy to finish this task, isn’t that fantastic? Also in August, I need to enjoy two kinds of English story books to improve my English grades, and I really take an interest in English. so it seems simple for me to finish! Secondly, there is a plan of travel. In August, my parents will take me to travel around our province, and that must be very interesting and exciting! Don’t you think so? And I am sure that we will have a great time in beautiful scenes. Oh, I can’t wait! In a word, I think my plans can bring me a happy holiday! And it is fantastic. I love it, I enjoy it!
评语:文章有条理,结构紧凑。几个反问,用的不错。副词和连词链接得自然。注意单复数。词汇量不是很多。
二等奖
liuyuehao88
深圳 刘玥
My Summer Vacation Plan
After three years’ study, the exciting summer holidays is coming .(你们3年才有1个暑假啊?) no wonder(去掉) each of us is very happy after hard work . In order to spend a meaningful vacation , I have made a plan. First , I decide to relax myself . I can feel that the places of interest are waving hands to me . I will go to Beijing , Hongkong and Yunnan with my friends . In order not to trouble our parents . We worked very hard to earn money .(如果是在暑假打工,可以写一些这方面的内容) Now we have enough money. We are proud of ourselves and we know how tiring the work is ,our parents are very busy .We will visit these places on August. Secondly(如前面用first,此处可用second), as we all know ,we will become High school students in the new(next) term .SO it is very important for us to prepare the new lessons. During the holidays ,I wil(will)not only prepare the new lessons but also work hard in Maths for I am a little weak in it . At the same time ,I plan to read some interesting books ,such as Harry porter , The Adventure Of Tom Suryar . Thoudly(thirdly),since the parents are very tried, they need rest . I will help my parents with housework. I am sure that I will spend a very attractive holidays .
评语:文章内容丰富,计划得很详细。大多用陈述表达,建议可以多用从句,一些句子有些重复,可再加润色!
二等奖
wizardofE
北京 徐航
Summer vacation plan
I am a junior middle school student, this summer holiday is very important for me. Because in the next term,I will join(take)the senior middle school entrance examination. So in this summer holiday, I will study very hard so that in the text I can get a good mark. Of course, I will have a rest in the holiday, because I am so tired. You know the students whom in the 21 century are very very(去掉) tired. I think go traveling is a good way to relax. I also want to go to my grandparents home, I miss them very much. Oh, I haven’t touched the computer (except the bopo English) for four month(可数名词加s), you know what I will do. Play with myself is so boring, why not invite my classmates play with me? That wills very interesting! Summer holiday is very good for me, yeah. That’s all. My summer vacation plan is very colorful, isn’t it?
评语:是的,你的假期计划很丰富,现在的学生确实学习很累,压力也很大,假期好好放松下吧,在玩的同时也要时不时地温习功课,不然,开学压力会更大的哦~!
二等奖
Fjifjiofhj
广州 陈健彬
Summer vacation plan
This holiday is full of activity. First, I have gone to Beijing for traveling. We went to many place of interest of Beijing, such as the Great Wall, the Summer Palace, the Bird nest. It was very interesting though it was tired to visit, there was a lot of people to visit those place of interest like us.此处应再写一些感想,转折的有点突兀。 Second, I will be the grade 9 student after this holiday, it is very atwitter. The next year I will have an important exam. So I will study hard and(in order to)succeed in that exam. I will prepare to next term. Reading books is the best way to prepare . At last, I will do some sports. Because there are 60 points(marks) of(about) P.E. in the(as an) exam. I will try my best to improve my mark. I hope I will have a good time in this holiday!
评语:文章言简意赅,有条理,基本没有语法错误,只是本文旨在计划,在时态上还需调整一下。
三等奖
wlywly
北京 王璐妍
Summer vacation plan
I hope I have a good time in summer. I’d like to tell you my plan for the vacation.
First, we spend three hours a day in training for(去掉) the(去掉)performance on October 1st(你要表达的是10月1号吗?). though(首字母大写) it is tired to me, I am very happy. I enjoy the training, because I feel more and more energetic.(这句可以表达成I am an energetic person.) Second, I will learn England(English) hard. I hope to learn so many vocabulary(vocabulary多指词汇量,这里可以用words) that(then) I can read English article well. I will do some grammar exercise, which can promote my English level. Last, I am going to go to some famous scenery, because I think I should have a good rest in summer vacation. I am going to go to Huangshan, I heard Huangshan is a good place to tourism(travel). It has fresh air, blue sky, green trees, and kinds of beautiful stones. I am looking forward to going Huangshan. And I love draw, so I can draw its scene(some pictures about it). This is my summer vacation plan.
评语:文章表达比较清晰,有个别语法错误,基本达到写作目的,能看出是用心写的文章。
三等奖
Xiaoyaohuan
山东 姜奕如
Summer vacation plan
Everybody devotion to vacation is plain to see(这句话想表达什么意思呢?).this summer vacation is difficult for me, because my grade(成绩:results) doesn’t good ,but I believe failure is the mother of success. Nothing is impossible to a willing mind. so I plan to doing(do) my homework carefully. Monday, I have to learn English, but I don’t think I will be bored in Ms shen’s class, because her teaching is so well organized and clear, this is one class you(I) don’t fall asleep in. This class,there are three times as many girls as boys, and we have fun .Tuesday,my friend with me together go to movie(这句话有些中式英语哦),that’s interesting. Wednesday my family group together clean my house, that’s too tired. And Friday, I will go to swim, I like swimming, we will go by bike I think this summer vacation is great, my work will improving and life is colorful.
评语:用到两个谚语,非常好!注意时态及标点的用法!
三等奖
XTZ-2100
江苏 徐天壮
Summer vacation plan
My English competition will come, so I need to practice English more. I think learning English isn’t very hard if you do your best. So I plan to finish 8B, 9A and 9B before new term coming. I will learn 8B from the first of July, 2009 to the twentieth of July, 2009. I am going to learn 9A from the twenty-first of July 1, 2009 to the tenth of August,2009 I plan to finish 9B From the eleventh of August,2009 to the thirtieth,2009. I think if I put my heart into practicing English. I can get good result in the competition. I also need to practice speaking English more. I plan to watch some English films and read some English books. I will speak English everyday. If I do that, I can speak English fluently. Come on! I believe I am the best one. 暑期计划我的英语比赛即将来临,所以我需要更多地练习英语。我认为学习英语不是太难的如果你尽力了。所以我打算结束8B,9A,9B的学习在新学期到来之前。我将从二零零九年七月一日至二零零九年七月二十日学习8B。我将学习9A在二零零九年七月二十一日至二零零九年八月十日这期间。我打算在二零零九年八月十一日到二零零九年八月三十日学习9B。我也需要多加练习英语口语。我计划看英文电影,读英文书籍,我将每天说英语。如果我做到这些,我可以说一口流利的英语。加油,我相信我是最优秀的!
评语:老师相信,只要你能按照这个计划去做,英语一定会提高很多的。计划的非常详细。也很丰富。建议以后再写作文时,可以少一些流水帐的记录方式。祝你学习进步!
三等奖
Zyns
山西 赵汉璇
Summer Vacation Plan
Summer vacation is coming, and I think every child is very happy .Because they will have more time to play .Before I would think so .(此句翻译成:如果在以前,我可能也会这么想。试着用英语表达出来。)But now I know that I am not a child now(去掉), and I am going to participate in the test .So I have to prepare for the exam. I hope I can study hard in this vacation .Do you want to know my plan? I will tell you. Listen carefully! First, I will do my homework carefully. (I have to do this!) Second, I will read a lot of books. Of course, I will read some good books. I should learn many useful things from the book to equip myself. Third, I think I should do some housework to help my parents. Housework can not only reduce the burden on parents, at the same time(but also) allow me to become a responsible person. This is my summer vacation plan .I think if I can do this ,I will be better when I go to school again .I hope everybody can support me . Thank you !
评语:文章内容比较连贯,以口述的语气完成,建议可以再丰富下内容,使之更充实!呵呵,不要把写作业当成一个负担哦,那其实对你的帮助更大呢!
三等奖
Chensiyi
河北 陈思怡
My summer vacation
I have passed my end-of-year exam for a week. I feel very relaxed now. And I think I'll have a wonderful time playing computer. But it is hard to come true because I'll become a student in Grades 9. As a student who will have the entrance exams for senior high school, I have to study during the vacation for my next term. I also have to do exercise euery(every) day. It's difficult to finish such the tasks, isn't it? However, we all think it’s time to relax now, and we can do our homework next month. We could also do homework together and copy each others. In fact, we have already play(played) in the swimming pool together. I had a great time play with them. Maybe everyone should do homework by themselves and do it on time. They shouldn’t(won’t) play too much and waste their time. But I think there are few of us can do homework very well and spend the least time on it. Maybe I’ll play computer less than before this summer.
我期末考试完已经一周了。我现在感觉非常放松。我还认为我将会有段不错的时间来玩电脑。但这个愿望是很难实现的因为我将成为一个9年级的学生。作为一名面临升高中考试的学生,我必须整个假期都为下一学年学习。我同样还要每天锻炼。要完成这么艰巨的任务是很难的,难道不是吗?然而,我们都认为现在是休息的时候了,我们甚至可以下个月在写作业。我们还可以一起写作业并互相抄袭。事实上,我们已经到游泳池一起玩过了,我还和他们玩的很愉快。也许我们每个人都应该自己按时地完成作业。他们不应该玩得太过了以至于浪费时间。但我相信我们中几乎没有人能用最少的时间却把作业完成的好。也许这次暑假我会少玩几次电脑了。
评语:语篇连贯,除个别拼写外,基本没有语法错误。切记不要在最后“突击”
作业呀。老师建议你还是在没有负担的情况下,才能玩的开心!祝假期愉快!
三等奖
flower11
浙江朱辰予
Summer holiday plan
Let me tell some things about my holiday plan. First of all, I have a very excited idea ,I will go to Australia by myself. I don’t(will not) go there with my parents, I will go there with my classmates and teacher. I think I will have a very unusual experience and I will have many new friends. Do you know why I will go to Australia? Because I heard that Australia was very beautiful, there has no polution( pollution) and there has(have/are) many interesting animals. During the day I might learn more Elish(English) and how to get along well with strange people. I will also learn how to look after myself. Except(Besides) go to Australia, I will do more homework and study hard as much as possible, because that is the last summer holiday I have in middle school. So I think I will have a busy but(and) happy holiday. And I hope I will do better next semester.
评语:调理清晰,一气呵成,在文章中能够正确使用一般将来时,但要注意时态在整篇文章中要一致。还有就是拼写和个别的语法问题,但是通过多次练习一定能够写出完美的文章的。
|