一等奖

Annahjh 黄嘉慧

广东深圳

My definition of success

?What is success? It is what everyone is longing for. Sometimes success would be rather simple. Winning a game is success; getting a high grade in the exam is success; making a new friend is success; even now I am sharing my ideas is somehow also success. I think success is to exceed ourselves. On the sports meeting last Thursday, 4 of our classmates attended the Relay race. Before the sports meeting, I hurt my leg during exercises. Just before the race started, I was still in pain. Although I was hurt, I ran as fast as I can, because I heard my friends’ voice. They cheered for me loudly! This encouraged me very much. When I got to the finish line, I wasn’t the first one. But I was very pleased with the result because I had already done my best. To me, this was a great success! When I was only 4, I was very shy. I don’t even have the courage to buy things by myself. But one day, my mum left me alone to buy a drink. This was a big challenge for me. I quietly went to the shop and talked to the shop assistant in a very low voice. I couldn’t remember how I brought the drink back. The only thing I I knew is that from then on, I began to change. I was more out-going and more independent. Sometimes, success is very simple. The key is whether you try or not. Different people have different ideas about success; since people’s dreams and ideas vary from one another. But I am sure every success is dear to everybody, because it is not easy to come by. So now I am very delighted that I have this opportunity to express myself, to lead me to another success. What is success? Everyone has his own interpretation as I do. But I am sure every success leads to an ever-brighter future. So, if we believe in our hopes, believe in ourselves, we, every one of us, can create a successful life! I wish everybody good success!

评语：写作功底非常扎实，通篇语句通顺，行动流水，不失为一篇佳作。

Wenqianqian 温芊芊

福建福州

成功需要付出 今天我看了两幅漫画，使我真正体会到一分耕耘一分收获这个道理。第一幅画上面写着“暑假大作战”这五个大字。中间画着一个小男孩正手护着头，作出萎缩的样子，脸上的泪水如雨点般滴落下来。在他左右两旁正竖的画着三个格子，每个格子中写着一个兴趣。共有六个暑假要学习的兴趣。有奥数、英语、国画、作文、素描、书法。在每个格子旁边共有六个拳头打着中间的那个男孩。男孩为此感到又生气又伤心。在图的最下方正中央写着“可怜的XXX，一败涂地。” 这幅画像是要表达小男孩在暑假要学这学那，一点都不开心。我觉得这小男孩真可怜。我对他的遭遇深表同情。然而当我看到第二幅画时，我的看法马上有了改变。第二幅画的上面写道“暑期大作战”这几个字。中间的那个小男孩再不是愁眉苦脸的哭泣着，而是喜上眉梢。他手捧奖状，脸上一幅自豪、得意洋洋的神态。旁边的六个格子里依旧写着他暑假学的六个兴趣，不同的是，格子旁不再是大大的拳头打着小男孩，而是竖起大拇指伸向小男孩。画的下方写着“光荣的XXX，大获全胜。” 这副画表达的意思是：小男孩因为在暑假付出了努力，脚踏实地地学了这六个兴趣，终于获得了成功。那一个个大拇指正是对他辛勤付出地肯定。 我认为他成功地方法就是把空虚变成充实，把流逝的光阴变成有用的财富;把有限的时间变成无限地力量。我觉得成功就像是散落的颗颗珍珠，只有靠自己的努力将它一颗一颗的串起来，才能成为精美的首饰。有一首歌唱的好“不经历风雨，怎能见彩虹，没有人能随随便便成功。”只有付出，才会有回报。

评语：从漫画中领悟成功的意义，文章立意不错，个别句子可以再稍加润色，尤其是“我”出现的次数较多。

二等奖

492081141 张紫薇 ?

江苏苏州

success

What's the meaning of success? It means "the fact that you have achieved something that you want and have been trying to do or get" in the dictionary. Do you know what success means to me? Let me tell you. In my opinion, success has many meanings. As a student, it means getting good results in tests. As a teenager, it means achieving a balance between study and hobbies. As a friend, it means having a good relationship with best friends. As a daughter, it means making mum happy and satisfied. It has so many meanings that I can't describe them one by one. In a word, success can mean much. Not only great achievements but also small things can be called success. At present, finishing this article completely is also a success to me. Don't you think so?

评语：文章观点明确，思路清晰，短小精悍。

ZHAOYULING 赵钰玲?

河南郑州

?

the Secret of Success

?An old man in a high-speed trains, were not careful and you've bought some new shoes from the window out of a surrounded by people who feel sorry, but, for the elderly immediately second only to shoes, threw it down from the window. This move is even more surprised. Old explained: "This shoe, no matter how expensive, for me, no longer used, if there is who picked up a pair of shoes, maybe he can wear it!" This story tells me: winners good to give up, be good to see the value of the loss. I have been using this phrase as my life goal

评语：小故事，大道理~

yangzhouwuyu 吴雨

江苏扬州

Failure and Success

?Failure is the mother of success. Sometimes people have to experience many mistakes and failures in order to reach the successful finals. Success often provides confidence and satisfaction. failure companies with bitter, saddness, and suffering. It seems people have to learn through each experience, as success doesn't always falls from heaven. I remembered I used to fail on my vocabury test when I was in high school. I had problem to memorize new words which each day. I almost decided to give up English, but was one of my neighbour classmates who kept on sending small sheet for me. In the end of the semester, I found I had finished my vocabulary book which became a work force in reading English. I then realized that a new word came and left our brains for several times. Nobody is born for success. Success tends to arrive after a serial of failures. Of course, success brings confidence and victory. But, life is not always easy and comfortable. There are more difficulties than eases in the real life. It is likely that we have to face some failures ahead. Therefore, those who learn how to deal and endure failures will taste their success eventually.

评语：论据充分，见解深刻，达到了写作的目的，除个别句子外，通篇比较通顺。

wxl19940330 王小莉

山东威海

“成功”的含义成功是什么？这是一个困扰了我很久的问题，也让我思考了很久。最近，我才得出一个令我满意的答案——那就是让周围的人都喜欢自己！这便是一种成功。而像“下次期末取得好成绩”“长大后赚好多好多钱”这些都不能代表一个人成功的一生，只是说明这个人在某一方面有优势，仅此而已。而要取得周围人的喜欢却不这么容易！ “想要取得周围人的喜欢”这是一门很深奥的学问，许多人穷其一生也没有学好。成绩好的“优等生”，往往会滋生出骄傲的心理，渐渐变得瞧不起“差生”，这样的人又如何取得所有人的喜欢呢？这样的人成绩再好又如何？难道说他算是成功了么？有钱的富翁，往往会财大气粗，瞧不起穷人。觉得有钱就可以办到所有的事情 。这样的人又如何取得所有人的喜欢呢？这样的人再有钱又如何？难道说他算是成功了么？不，这都不算是真正的成功！真正的成功是周围的人都喜欢你，都愿意在你有困难的时候伸出手来帮助你，帮你渡过难关而不求回报。这说明你得到了他人的信任与真挚的友谊！这是多么宝贵的财富啊！这样才不枉来这人世间走了一遭，才算真正领略了作为“人”的美妙之处——心灵上的共鸣！而想要做到这一点，就必须做到有上进心，有涵养，做事认真仔细，尊重他人，最重要的是——善良！做到这些，那你想要取得周围人的喜欢就容易多了，但还要看你会不会处理人际关系啦！什么时候该说什么，什么时候不该说什么，这些都要自己心里有数；要留给他人足够的私人空间，不要总是想要去介入；在他人有困难的时候，主动伸出手去帮助他人等等。这样一来，我想就会取得周围人的喜爱了吧？这就是我给“成功”下的定义，你认为呢？ (月月大比拼)

评语：开头点出成功的意义，立意新颖。是一篇非常大气的文章。希望作者真能做到作文中这样的成功者。

三等奖

Electrolux 付哲

天津

Success

?What is success? Different people have different answers. Someone thinks becoming a star is success. Someone wants to be a scientist. And someone thinks being a doctor is better. But I think making your dream true（realizing your dream） is the best success. Somebody said “Whatever you do, if you work hard, you will never to（去掉） fail.” I think it is the best answer of how to success. But sometimes you will meet with defeat（defeats） before you succeed. Now I will （want to）tell you: don’t be disappointed（改为desperate）, because failure is the mother of success. Einstein said: “Success is the hard work, the right way, and say fewer nonsense” （建议有英文原话就用原话，不要自己翻译。如无把握，建议去掉，换一句做总结。）月月大比拼

评语：结构清晰，基本功扎实

ZHOUHUILE 周卉乐

广西桂林

Success

?What is success? Everyone think（thinks） about it. I think, if you have a target, you work hard on it and it (加will)come ture, that is success. These(The followings) are my suggestions on how to get success. Work hard. Success is not easy to get. Where is the targe, where is the success. If you want to succeed ,you must work hard and put your heart in it. After that, you may succeed one day. But (加if)you don’t work hard, just wait, success willnot come to you.. Never give up. Believe God, he will not keep you waiting too long if you put your heart in and work hard. Maybe is not the time(此名表达不明确) ,you must never give up. Because if you give up, success will never come to you. Good skills and listen to the others. You should’t just work and work, you must use（改为have） good skills. And friends can give you new suggestions. Remember, just one person, you will not get success. Obey these rules,I hope you can succeed soon!

评语：个别语法错误，诠释成功如何取得。

Wjagcx 孙晨曦

山东淄博

Success

Many people think making much money is success, and （改成while）some people think getting good grades （？）is success. What is success? Trying to outdo myself, coming true （改成realizing）my dream is success for me. I think I can do it, and I can make it true. I want to study harder now .And I will （改为want）go to a mountain village as a volunteer to teach students when I grow up. It will（改为want） change my life. I will be rich because I want to （ 改为I want to be rich to ）buy a big house for my parents and help poor children. I also will（改为want） be a doctor（加逗号） because doctors can help others. One day, I will travel all over the world. I am going to retire （加上 and then live in a ）somewhere(去掉) quiet and beautiful (place). If those(these) dreams will come true, it is success for me.（改为then I succeed.）

评语：语句通顺，很有见地

Haojingyi 郝敬伊

天津

Success

?We often talk about the subject called success which is very abstract（改为an obstructive subject – success）. Many people intend to be a great people who are（去掉） always doing（does） the right thing, or succeed（应为succeeds）in doing something he likes. In my view, we should care about how to find（pay attention to） the way to（加上get） success. Here are some points leading to success（改为 you have to remember on your way to success.）. Firstly, it’s necessary to come across many difficulties which we can’t predict. So, in order to make us braver, (改为 Although there are many difficulties we have to face，) we should learn to use the（改为these） problems we are facing（去掉） as a stepping-stone（此处应用复数） to（加上the）future success. Don’t be afraid. In general (加逗号)its（it’s ）failure that encourages us to word （work）harder which（and） eventually makes （改为helps us make ）great progress. Secondly, diligence also is（is also） important thing（去掉）. As is known to us all, failure usually results from laziness (加逗号) while diligence can （lead to ）success. Besides, confidence is a part of your dreams. Anyone who becomes a success(改为 successful) man is very optimistic .the （大写） reason why we can’t seize the chances is that we lack confidence. So, (去掉)I firmly believe, as long as we make more efforts, my dream will come true sooner or later（建议总结句应该总结前三点：as long as we keep these points in mind and make efforts，we will succeed one day.）

评语：结构清晰，细节需注意

Wangzixiong 王梓雄

天津

成功

如果人生是一杯茶，会在周围留下余香；如果人生是一杯酒，会在周身留下气息；如果人生是一杯水，会在世间留下点滴；如果人生是一本书，会在脑海留下精神·····（排比句用的非常好）但人生会是精彩的吗？ 每个人从呱呱落地到长大成人，都有一个叫“梦想”的东西跟随着他。“梦想”的力量是强大的，它催促你努力学习，它催促你勤奋刻苦，它催促你跌倒爬起·····当你已经抓住它，甚至超过它时，你就成功了。不论何时，一个成功者总是从梦想开始的。 人生不可能总是一帆风顺。每个人都害怕失败，但又不得不拥有一些失败，只有失败后，成功才更加完美。爱迪生研究电灯泡是，就有人嘲笑他：“你都已经用了一千多种灯丝了，为什么还不行呢？干脆用你的头发试试吧！”爱迪生却说：“我失败了一千多次，至少让我知道有一千多种材料不适合做灯丝。多少有收获吧。”终于，在爱迪生的不懈努力下，第一个电灯泡问世了。失败是成功之母。在失败中得到教训，在失败中汲取经验，在失败中酝酿成功。 奋 斗 不想奋斗者是傻瓜，不能奋斗者是顽石，不敢奋斗者是奴隶。荀子曰：“不登高山，不知天之大也；不临深谷，不知地之厚也。”奋斗不一定成功，但不奋斗，绝对失败。只有奋斗过的人生才不留遗憾，才更加精彩，才至善至美。只有奋斗，才有“会当凌绝顶，一览众山小”的体会和感悟。 以成功为目标，以失败为经验，以奋斗为动力，这样的人生还不精彩吗？ 参与月月大比拼 王梓雄

评语：思路清晰，举例准确，诠释明确，措辞顺当。是一篇非常不错的议论文。

Jylzgjn 郭嘉宁

上海

成功

成功，是至高无尚的；它可以让人喜悦，可以让人振奋，有多少人会为它而不断奋斗，有多少人为它而不断努力，人只要努力就会成功！（去掉）那是一个阳光明媚的早晨，爸爸妈妈都不在家，随手捧起一本书，有一篇文章叫做《陆羽弃佛从文》，这篇文章的题目吸引了我，使我怀着探索的心情继续读。唐朝有一个著名学者陆羽，从小是个孤儿，被禅师抚养长大。陆羽不愿终日念佛，而是喜欢诗书。陆羽想要下山求学，遭到了禅师的反对。禅师为了给陆羽出难题，便叫他学习冲茶。在努力学习茶艺的过程中，他每天起早贪黑，去请教一些高人，失败了一次又一次，终于学会了冲茶技巧，而且学会了不少做人的道理。当陆羽最终将一杯茶端到禅师面前时，禅师终于答应了他读书的要求。后来，陆羽写了著名的《茶经》，把祖国的茶艺发扬光大。 读完了这篇文章，我十分感动。陆羽的成功也告诉我一个道理：不要轻易放弃，认为自己是对的便努力去做，绝不轻易放弃自己，不可半途而废，这样才会成功！ 有一次，我在考试中遇到了一道不明白的数学题，我算了一次又一次，又努力了一次一次。我仍旧失败了，依然解不出那道题，时间一分一秒的过去了，一道道数学公式浮现在眼前，可我却一点思路都没有。这时，我想到了陆羽的故事，陆羽曾经也失败过，可他最后还是经过自己的努力不也成功了吗？想着，一道灵光闪过，我突然想到了解题的思路，我搓搓手，跟着思路计算着，不知又失败了多少次，终于成功了，我尝到了成功的喜悦。成功可以是很多方面的，很小很小的事情成功了也叫成功，但是，成功不会自己去找你，只有自己去努力，不半途而废，不轻易放弃。你努力了，不一定成功；但是，成功一定付出过努力！直到现在，我也始终不忘那个故事，那个成功者的故事将永远伴随着我，永远……永远…… 月月大比拼

评语：结构清晰，有理有据，很有说服力